Friday, April 21, 2006

Alles Gute zum Geburtstag Your Majesty!

Imagine the scene. Its the screening of "Abby Titmuss, the Movie!" Pushing the limits of your imagination still further, the Queen is playing the role of Abby, Devils Kitchen is playing the part of John Lesley, camera in one hand, cock in the other, whilst Floreat Aula plays the part of the black girl crouched beneath Abby who at this stage has her legs akimbo whilst supporting herself with the couch. "Whats she doing?" enquires the drooling DK, "I think she's got her tongue up my ass" says the slightly disturbed, but mostly loving it Queenie.

That in a nutshell is the Onanistic orgy that is today's coverage amongst the Royalists. So the Queen is 80, well done you! As you might have guessed, I'm of the republican persuasion. Or traitor, to use DK's own words. Well if being a traitor requires you to be a true democrat wishing to give the people a say in who the hell their Head of State is, rather than leaving it to a bunch of unelected inbreeds to govern upon account of the accident of their birth without due regard to their abilities, well then I'm proud to be labelled a traitor. At least I've taken the time to think about the situation and its consequences unlike most dumbfucks who unthinkingly support the monarchy because its been about as long as they can remember. Not even sheep, a bunch of fucking goats. I have yet to hear a sound, rational argument in support of the monarchy from a Royalist. I would love to hear a sound argument.

I say this advisedly. This is because I used be be a Royalist. Why? Well, by birth I'm a Northern Irish prod. It comes with the rest of the package, "Ah a baby, penis, good, its a boy, eyes not too close together, left foot the same size as the right, royalist, protestant, all present and correct!" However, a University education is very useful, and having met many Sloanes (or Yahs as we call them) who would never have to worry about their degree, finances etc, set for a job for life simply because of their birth, I realised that my idea of a meritocratic society is simply not compatible with a Constitutional Monarchy. The more I thought about it, the more of an anachronism this regime appeared.

Actually, I don't have anything against the Queen personally, she's done a fairly good job, hasn't pissed off too many people, and kept her interference down to a minimum. Phillip is possibly the only thing going for the Monarchy, but I can always get my comedy elsewhere. William is a gentleman, having met the man after "bumping" into him without the ball on the rugby pitch, but he is without any talents that mean that he is automatically better than anyone else to be sovereign. The less said about Harry the better. He couldn't even do his Art coursework himself.

No, my objection to Monarchy is based on principle. I am equal to everyone else in this country, no better, no worse. Why the hell should I bow before any of this shower? The King or Queen should not be sovereign, the People should be. The Monarchy is a privileged based system that discriminates on the basis of birth, sex and religion. It has no place in 21st Century Britain. In fact, most of the population are actually subconsciously republican. They would prefer William succeeded instead of Charles. What they don't realise is that this can't happen for the simple reason that in the current system their views don't count.

But we have bigger fish to fry than the Monarchy. The reason its lasted so long is because it has had no real effect over our lives. We can safely leave to one side for the moment to fuck itself up when Charles succeeds. The more pressing issue is our "elected dictatorship" that runs this country with so much unbridled power and contempt for the populace. The Executive has taken over most of the powers of the Monarch, and must be restrained. Reform must be concentrated on redistributing these powers to the Legislature, and to local government, whilst instituting a voting system that reflects our wishes. We need to put the people back at the centre of power. The Crown can wait. DK and Floreat Aula can go back to the rimming for the time being.

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